The travails of Pukeware

February 21, 2008 by rfhicks.

Buying a new computer usually entails purchasing new hardware and software. Regardless of the OS that you are using software upgrades are part of the game and of the pain. You often find out that you have become comfortable with a particular brand of software and while cruising the aisles in Costco you run across a shiny new box with brand name that you have become accustomed too and notice that this is the latest and greatest version that is compatible with your latest OS, that is Vista for example, The package designers have outdone themselves with a glossy new printed box with colorful graphics and Velcro closure with the facing pages carefully and meticulously laid out with full color graphics and text outlining all the nifty things you can do with this latest version of the software. Somewhere on the back of the box in very tiny print there is an ambiguous hint that this is compatible with Microsoft Windows without elaborating.

You think back to a time two or three years ago and remember that this particular piece of software was stable and easy to use. Now that you have a shiny new computer and this piece of software is version X.y things must be even easier and pain free. You take another look at the shiny box and lift the shiny cover with Velcro tabs and see all the wonderful comfortable dressed people staring into their laptops and desktops with a big smile on their face as they seemingly breeze through their multimedia tasks with glee. You see mom at her laptop and with her two kids at her side as they all appear gazing into the computer while burning the latest home movies onto their DVDs. While you gaze at the shiny new package and consider the price that you are about to pay you cast yourself into these wonderful images thinking that this will be your experience.

Now that you are home you take a deep breath and open your shiny new box only to find a single disc in a paper envelope. The wonderful feeling that you experienced at the store while perusing the box and it’s shiny surface seems somewhat deflated now as you hold a single disc in your hand in an ordinary paper envelope. There is a information printed on the back of the envelope along with a jumbled series of letters and numbers known as a ‘license key.’ There is stern warning along with this advising you not to lose this key or else you will be forced to call a 1-888 between 8:00am and 4:00pm, Monday through Friday begging for help and forced to endure being put on hold and then press #1,and then #2, and *. You then will have to wait for the next available agent in India to help you out

All your wonderful musing about putting your home movies on DVD and possibly becoming the director of the next Blair Witch Project have suddenly become an onerous burden of becoming yet another consumer beta tester for piece of software that was never really ready for release to the public. You sit at your computer till the wee hours of the morning producing DVD drink coasters because your shiny new multimedia keeps freezing up and spitting drink coasters out of

This is what I call the travails of pukeware . The purchase of installation of a multimedia suite that claims to be the next innovation in software that will enable you to breeze through your multimedia task and leave you time to spare. Instead you end up thrashing, wailing, and taking to people in India who want to walk you through the process of solving your problem only to bring you to the conclusion that this cobbled mess of computer code is in bad need of further testing. Meanwhile you pull in the anchor and tread the malware infested waters of the Internet seeking sort of clues to why your computer is locking up and your software crashing.

Suddenly the light bulb goes off in your head, perhaps the LED light in this case since we are in the 21st century, that you might be able to surf over to the manufacturer’s website. Perhaps they may have quietly issued a patch that will save you from your multimedia miseries and forgot to send you an email advisory since you did sign up for the email newsletter during the installation. Have you overlooked this small detail? Perhaps it is all your fault for failing to pay attention to the details after briskly pushing the ‘next’ button when you were too impatient to read the EULA (End User License Agreement). Perhaps this why the store can’t issue a refund. You know it is all your fault and the manufacturer surely wouldn’t glaze over a small detail such as forget to inform you of a critical update.

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